You have made the decision that it is time to go on a diet and lose that weight extra weight you have been carrying around. It’s nothing new, most people have made that decision at some point in their life and when you make that decision it often goes like we have laid out below.
This is a humorous tale of gym and dieting told from a man’s point of view but I am sure women can relate.
First Comes the Decision
You have debated with yourself for some time, especially when you are looking at yourself in the mirror while wearing your birthday suit. It has to be done. You have got to lose this weight!
You ARE going to do this. No more junk food for you, you will be waking up early and training every morning like a boss! That extra weight will be gone in no time. You can do this, you are going to be back to your prime in no time! Eye of the tiger baby!
The Pig Out
You have made the decision. You are going to do this and go hardcore.
Not yet though, not today. Tomorrow is the day. That means today is your last day to pig out because tomorrow you are going beast mode.
After all, you have all this unhealthy food around the house that you won’t be eating after tomorrow and you DO NOT want that to go to waste so you better eat it now and enjoy it while you can.
After that you better go to your favorite restaurant and scarf down all that delicious food that won’t be having when you are getting that dream body.
That’s not all though, you better get your drink on for one last time because you won’t be doing any of that while you are sculpting your body to look like an Adonis. It’s party time tonight baby!
It’s Go Time!
Ok. after all that binge eating and boozing you had to take another day off before you started to recover from the hangover but now you are ready. It is go time now and you are gonna rock. Dream body here you come.
You are gonna get up early and get this workout in before work and have the whole day ahead of you with some extra pep in your step and feeling of accomplishment. Nothing is going to stop you. Then the alarm clock goes off at 5 am…
After several cups of strong coffee, you are finally awake and ready to get this workout done. You get to the gym and hit the weights first. You realize you are not what you once were very quickly but that is OK, you will get back to your prime form in no time. You hit a few sets of bench press, some curls and a couple half-way pull-ups then it’s time to do some cardio.
This is it baby, you are gonna melt that fat lickety split. You jump on the treadmill and take off running. This isn’t so tough, you’ve got this. The first minute or so is you are owning that treadmill.
Then after about 3 minutes it hits you, you are not in good shape, not even close and this treadmill is starting to feel like Satan’s play thing.
After about 4 minutes you decide it might be better to just walk the rest of the way and call it a workout.
The Locker Room
The workout is over, first day in the books. You walk in the locker room to get showered up and get dressed for work.
You realize really quick that this is not like your high school locker room…not at all.
For one thing, the crowd in the locker room is much older than you are used too and they are not the least bit shy about their bodies either.
You may like to keep yourself covered but not some of these guys, some guys seem to relish in the naked freedom the locker room provides. They not only shower naked but seem to do everything else naked too rather than getting dressed. These guys don’t have incredible bodies either, far from it. These bodies have more wrinkles than an elephant’s scrotum and it is all on full display.
You try and not look, focus on what you are doing to get ready for work. Get dressed and get out of there!
You are getting ready at a record pace, staring either at the floor or into your locker. However, you have this feeling though, this feeling that someone watching you.
You tell yourself not to look over and to just stare at the floor and finish getting ready. You can feel the guy next to you burning holes in you with his stare. What does he want? Finally, you give in, turn your head and look over to see what the deal is and…
That’s it! You get your stuff together and get the heck out of there. It is at this moment that you decide you will workout after work from now and just shower at home! That early morning wake up and locker room scene just isn’t for you.
You are going to eat healthy. After eating a bunch of crap for years on end you have made the plunge and are eating good, healthy foods. Goodbye pizza, burgers, Taco Bell and grandma’s lasagna. This is the new you and the new you likes salad and grilled chicken and all kinds of vegetables. Let’s just say your first healthy meal is not quite what you are accustomed to quite yet though.
OK, so the meals are going to take a little work but you are still determined and that is what it takes to get things done. You make some adjustments and press on.
You are two weeks in to the new healthy version of yourself.
You are working out later in the day now and avoiding the locker room altogether. You also have the healthy meals down pat.
With all that in check you feel like you need a cheat meal. You have been working hard for a whole 2 weeks and it is time to treat yourself.
You order up your favorite dinner and once you get a taste you shovel that food in with no remorse!
Afterword you realize what you have done, all that hard work, all that healthy eating blown on one selfish pig out. How could you do this to yourself? How could you be so weak?!?
More Time Passes
Luckily that massive cheat meal was only a small set back. You are five weeks in now and well on your way to getting that body you have always wanted. Most people don’t make it past three weeks so you are feeling really good about yourself and starting to notice some changes. You go out and buy yourself some new workout gear and walk in to the gym the next day like…
A Few More Weeks Go Bye…
You have done good. You have lost more weight and you are getting stronger and in better condition. You own that treadmill now!
People are starting to notice. Family members and co-workers are saying what a great job you have done. Not only do you look good but you are feeling confident.
At the grocery store you run into your ex, even they can’t help but notice the change you have made. She says that you look like you have been working out and you are like…
You have made it. You have won the battle of the bulge and have become a fit human being again. Life is good and you are not going back, here’s to you!